the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
