Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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