Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
