she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
