soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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