i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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