I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
