eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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