thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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