I could have mohawked her pubes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
