i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I deserve this hangover.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
