you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
