the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
