im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
