My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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