She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize