We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
