explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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