And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
