I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
