i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize