wat bout pragnant strippers??
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
