3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
