are you still at the devil's house?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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