He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
