So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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