I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
