..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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