so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize