I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
