how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
