Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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