i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
