it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
