I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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