Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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