I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
