I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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