I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize