Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
