she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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