Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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