And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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