Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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