Grow some girl-balls and come out already
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
