We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize