I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
