how can u be prego again
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize