My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
