It's a beautiful day for a hangover
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
