North Korea, Best Korea!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
