There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
