some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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