we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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