***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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