A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
