The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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