Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He kissed a someone with a penis
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
