Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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