im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
