winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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