Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
