Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
