You made me cry and you don't even care
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
