I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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