I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
