i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
last night I used snow as a chaser
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
