There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize