so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
