i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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