I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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