please come you make the beer taste better
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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