love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
