i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
