Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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