apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
