She is in my trunk
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
