Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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